Goodbye to 2011...

I cannot get over the fact that this year is over. I mean, is it just me or did this year really fly by? I usually roll my eyes when I hear people say that, because well, it's been a YEAR... 365 days... Something like 8,760 hours. That's a long freaking time, no? I have to be honest tho, 2011 was a pretty crappy year for me and I'm glad to see it go. While I am gladly letting go of 2011, maybe I should also let go of a few other unwanted things as well. Things like:


*My LACK of self confidence

*My terrible body image

*My issues with food

*My trust issues (HA! Good luck with that one!)

*I should probably get rid of some of this damn weight, too, although that will have to wait til I have the baby.

*My total LACK of organization

*Things in general that just don't make me happy

*I (half jokingly) said I should make it a resolution to stop swearing. My mom laughed at me. VERY loudly and with MUCH gusto. Yeah, I didn't think that one would stick anyways. LOL! What can I say, I AM my father's daughter. :)

I don't know what 2012 has in store for me, but I DO know that if it sucks even a tiny bit less than 2011, I'll be a happy camper.

Baby #3 on the way...

     13 years ago, almost exactly to the day, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. Being that I was  only 17, I was pretty freaking scared but I suppose that should be expected. Now today, on my husband's 35th birthday, I found out that I am once again expecting, this time, baby #3. I think it's safe to say that I am even more scared THIS time than I was back then. I mean, shit, I already have 2 kids, which means that now Mr and I are going to be outnumbered. Except, well, he's rarely home (even when he is actually home) so that means that *I* am going to be even MORE outnumbered. I never was a fan of three against one beat downs. Add to that, the fact that I had blood pressure issues with both previous pregnancies as well as the fact that I am ALREADY really freaking overweight. I'm scared to death to think about what the hell this is going to do to my body.

I know that in the end, it's worth it. I know, I've been there twice before. I'm sure it will all hit me, it's just taking a little longer this time around. I mean, I really truly cannot wait to hold this new sweet little baby in my arms and smell that sweet new baby smell. To feel an entire tiny hand wrapped around just one of my fingers. But am I up for the rest? The sleepless nights (who the hell am I kidding? It's not like I sleep much anyways. At least I'll have company!) the seemingly endless feedings and diaper changes... the crying... the crying... the cryyyyying. Who knows, but there's one thing I'm sure of:  I'm not teaching this one to talk! ;)

Oh yeah, and before I forget....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR!!!!

BACK TO SCHOOL

     Where the heck does the time go? I swear, I only blinked and suddenly my youngest is in 2nd grade and my firstborn is in 7th grade! Both kiddies were SO excited to be going back to school today. Me? Not so much. I miss them terribly already. Luckily, today and tomorrow are only half days of school. Some of my hopes for this year?

   
      For my son, this year, I hope for a better and less complicated school year. I hope that the beyond frustrating bully issue is finally behind us. I hope that he finds himself, and is comfortable in his own skin, NO MATTER WHAT anyone else says. I hope that he is able to find some friends that he can relate to and that will be there for him. I hope that he continues to excel academically and keeps that awesome brain of his sharp and focused.

   





       For my daughter, this year, I hope that she will continue to blossom socially, as I never did. That she continues to make friends and has an easy time being herself and that she never has to deal with bully issues like her big brother and myself had to deal with. That she keeps her brain sharp and focused, as well, and that she continues to excel academically. I hope that her love of reading continues to grow.

FUNNEL CAKES

      I think one of my favorite parts of going to a carnival or fair has GOT to be the food. (if you know me, this shouldn't surprise you.) The fries (or even better- CHEESE fries... oooh now I want some cheese fries, dang it) the snow cones, and of course, the funnel cakes. I mean, come on- what's better than some crispy fried dough topped with powdered sugar? HOMEMADE crispy fried dough topped with powdered sugar! DUH! Heaven! So without further ado, lets get on with the show!

 You will need:
3 cups flour
1/3 cup white granulated sugar
2 tsp baking powder (NOT baking soda)
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
3 whole eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 1/4 cups milk
oil to fry em up in
Powdered sugar to top em

1. Heat your oil in a wide deep pan. You want it to get to 350. I don’t have a thermometer, so I wait a while and drop a little of the batter into the oil. If it starts sizzling away, you’re good to go.
2. In a large bowl, combine your dry ingredients and give em a stir to combine.
3. Whisk in your eggs, milk and vanilla. You want it to look like a thin pancake batter, so if it is too thick, add more milk, a little bit at a time.
4. Now, you are supposed to use a funnel, hence the name Funnel Cake, but I was too lazy to dig through my cabinets and find mine. So, take a piping bag or a large Ziploc baggie, ladle some batter into it, seal it and snip a small portion of the bottom corner off.
Pinch the end between your fingers til you get over the oil, otherwise…. well, you WILL make a huge mess and you will NOT be very happy with me….at least until you eat one of these babies!
5. Holding the bag about 2 inches above the hot oil (please be careful) start dispensing the batter. You want to make a large circle first, and then just go crazy filling it in with squiggles and loops, if that makes sense. LOL If that doesn’t make sense to you, just look at the picture of the finished funnel cake and you’ll see what I mean. 
6. Cook for about 2-3 minutes and then caaaarefully flip (I’ve found that its easiest to flip using tongs) and cook for another 2-3 minutes. You want it to be a deep golden brown AND done on the inside. It may take you a few tries to get it down, but don’t sweat it. You have PLENTY of batter.

7. Remove from oil and drain on paper towels. Give it a few minutes to cool off and then sprinkle a generous amount of powdered sugar over the top. Or caramel sauce with ice cream, or chocolate syrup, or MY favorite, strawberry jam with a lil powdered sugar.
8. Eat that sucker!

Some Pics of What I've Been Baking...

     Going through a lot of my pictures and am finding lots of cakes and other goodies that I've made in the last few months and forgot to post... See, my computer fried a few months ago and I had ALL of my pictures on it- an OF COURSE I had NOT backed anything up. :( And I haaaate posting a recipe without a picture. I know I personally like to have a picture to reference when making something new. So anyways, I have found some pics, some better than others, and I am going to post them here so you know what goodies you have to look forward to. :)  I will work on getting the recipes for them posted. Soooo... Til then, enjoy these pics.

     White Velvet Cake with Strawberry Filling (made when my brother brought my newest niece over to meet us for the first time): 

 

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     White Velvet Version 2: Made for my friend's wedding anniversary.

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     White Velvet Version 3 (yes, this cake is THAT good. LOL) I think this was made for another visit from my brother, but he had to cancel, so my friends came over and we ate it. :)

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      Ready? Ok... White Velvet Version 4: (I promise this is the last white velvet... for now) ;) Made for my brother's birthday.

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     Newest Tres Leches Cake with Chantilly Cream "Frosting" (this is the latest of my cakes and was made for my mama's birthday):

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     Miscellaneous Flower Cup Cakes: (Still working on improving my piping, so cut me some slack. LOL)

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     Oh! Sorry, I almost forgot I made the White Velvet into a mini cupcake. LOL :

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     "Nirvana", Smiley Face and Jack Skellington Cookies:

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     And then there was the Atomic Cake: (Made for a friend's wife's birthday)

     Ok... So that is it for now... I will start hunting through my recipes and posting them as I find em. (I tend to not be the most organized person :\)

DAD

     Been thinking a lot about my dad lately... Still cannot believe how much I miss him this many years later...  This song always brings tears to my eyes... I love you endlessly, my superman, my dad...

Gearing Up For Oklahoma

     We leave tomorrow for Oklahoma, for my niece, Shana's funeral. It is surely going to be a very long and heartbreaking trip for everyone, but we need to remember that we are not going there just to mourn. (Yes, I am sure we will be doing more than our fair share of it, myself included, I mean- how can we not? So many have been left devastated by this loss.) But, we must remember that we are also going there to celebrate her life... Her spirit... Her light. It is so easy to lose sight of all of these things when in the midst of grieving, but Shana would not want us to remember her as she was when she was sick, nor would she want us to be sad. She would want us to remember her for the wonderful person that she truly was. She would want us to be happy that she is in a better place and grateful that she is no longer suffering. And I'm quite certain she would want us to take a page from her and be strong for each other.

     That's really all I have right now... I should probably get back to packing and other preparations. Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers as we travel there and back, and as we say not our good byes to Shana, but our see you laters. As we WILL see her again, one day.

A Tremendous Loss...

     Let me start by saying that I struggled with whether or not to write this, or if it is too soon, but have decided to press ahead. As hard as it is, I NEED to get this out or I fear I may explode... So here it goes...

     Today is a very sad day for us. Our family has lost a truly amazing young woman. A loving mama to beautiful little girl, a dedicated daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend, and to my husband and I, a niece. My heart is absolutely shattered as I write this and the tears just won't stop. Every time I have to type the word "was" it just kicks me in the chest... Using "was" instead of  "is"... It's a lot to wrap my brain around right now.

     Shana was a beautiful, vibrant, and loving soul. I don't think there was ever a person that met her that was not touched by her in some way. And if there was, believe me, it was their loss. She was just that type of person...  She always wanted to make the world a better place. (Well, mission accomplished sweetie, you made the world a better place just by being here, by being YOU.) The world would be a much better place if more people in it were like her.

     It has been far too long since I last saw her, but I vividly remember her smile. It was infectious. It was simply impossible to see her smile and not find yourself smiling in return. She was so caring and generous, I remember when she stayed with us a for a short while, ohhh about 7 summers or so ago, I was very depressed and my house was a wreck. Seeing this, she said nothing, smiled and just started cleaning. I told her she didn't have to do anything at all, but she just kept right on. After a while, I found myself almost feeding off of her energy and before I knew it, I was up cleaning and laughing with her. When we finished up, I offered to pay her, but of course she refused. That's just the kind of person she was. I wish I could tell her just how much that meant to me. (To be fair here, I want to say that her sister Sarah helped me a lot that day as well.. and I am very grateful to her, too.)

     When I first heard that Shana was sick, quite a few years ago now, I was just dumb struck. "Brain Cancer? Who? Shana? Nooo... There MUST be some mistake." It finally sunk in, but I remained hopeful, as she was strong. This was something we all knew, but I don't think we realized just HOW strong she really was. She was a fighter, that's for sure! She remained brave, and optimistic through it all. While I am glad to know that her pain and suffering is over, I still selfishly grieve for the loss. For her mother, her daughter, her husband, her brother and sister, her grandparents... For all of us. For every single heart that is aching for her right now, and believe me, there are MANY. We may never fully understand why she was taken from us, so young, so soon, but I can tell you that one hell of a "soldier" has joined the Lord's ranks today.

     I have often heard people refer to someones passing by saying that "their light was extinguished." I do not believe that. I believe with ALL THAT I AM, that Shana's light will NEVER go out. That if we look hard enough, we will see it shining brightly all around us, and if we listen hard enough, just maybe we will hear her laughter on the wind.

     Shana, sweetheart, know that you will always hold a very special place in our hearts. That you will always be loved, and never forgotten, as you will live on forever and ever in our memories. May you rest sweetly now, beautiful angel, until we meet again.

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MAMA!

     Today is my mama's birthday, as well as her and my father's wedding anniversary. It tends to be a very bittersweet day since my daddy passed away. :( But she deserves to have a great day, she is a wonderful person, a fantastic mom and a wonderful Nana. My mom and  I didn't always get along, especially in my teen years... When I look back now, I feel awful for how I pushed her away, but I realize this was something I had to do... Part of growing up, I guess. I know I was really just being a typical teenager, but I really wish that I could take back all the times that I hurt her. There have been a few times where my son has said or done some things that really hurt me, and to think that that is not even one tenth of what I gave to MY mother or put her through... just.... man. She really MUST be an amazing woman since I am still here. LOL So anyways, to my mom:

    You have been there for me, no matter what I put you through. (and believe me- I know I put you through A LOT... if I could take it back, I would) You could've disowned me several different times and no one would have thought badly of you for doing so, I'm sure. ;) I know I was a handful, and for that I am sorry... I am so very glad that we have become so close. I know we have our spats, some quite a bit bigger than others, but you are one of my very best friends. There is NOTHING that I wouldn't do for you, and if I had the world to give, it would most certainly go to you.

     You have done SO much for me throughout the years, not to mention for my kiddies and for that, I will forever be grateful. I don't know where I would be today if not for you and your unconditional love. Anyone would be lucky to have you as their mama. (but they're gonna hafta fight me for ya!) To quote a cheeeesy song that I love, "My world is a better place, because of YOU." So, when you are down, or when we are fighting, or hell, whenever really, just remember that you are my mother, my friend, and I love you to no end!

     I hope you had a really nice birthday, because if anyone deserves some happiness, it's you.

Super Easy Strawberry Jam and Strawberry Compound Butter

     I LOVE making strawberry jam. In my opinion, it tastes SO much better than any store bought jam and you can watch the sugar. (It DOES take quite a bit of sugar, but I have lowered it without any problems) It really doesn't take all that long, so there's no excuse not to give it a try! ;) (Sorry for the blurry pic, I will try to get a better shot when my camera charges. DOH!)

Strawberry Jam: 

• 2lbs fresh strawberries, rinsed, dried and hulled
• 4 cups white sugar (I used 3 cups)
• 1/4 cup lemon juice (fresh squeezed is always best)

1. In a wide bowl, mash batches of strawberries until you have about 4 cups of smashed up berry.
2. In a HEAVY BOTTOMED saucepan, (and it should be a large one, because this will bubble up. A LOT) mix together the berries, sugar and lemon juice. Stir over low heat just until the sugar dissolves.
3. Turn heat up to high and bring to a nice strong rolling boil. You want to boil this, stirring often, until the temp reaches 220 degrees F. (I never check the temp as I don't have a thermometer. I boil it for 12-14 minutes. (how to test if it is done: keep a small glass plate in the freezer. After 10 minutes of boiling the jam, take the plate out and place about 1 tsp of jam onto the plate. Place it back in the freezer for a minute. GO STIR YOUR JAM! Take plate out and swipe your finger through to make a line. If the jam runs back together, boil for another 2 minutes. If it stays parted like the Red Sea, it's done!)
4. Now, if you are going to can this, you need to transfer it to hot sterile jars, leaving about 1/2 to 1/4 inch between jam and top of jar. Seal, and process in water bath for 10-15 minutes.
5. If the jam is going to be eaten right away, you don't need to process it. Just put it into your sterilized jars, place lids on and turn jar upside down on the counter for 10 minutes. After which, turn right side up and let cool a bit longer and then store in the fridge. (Unprocessed jars of this jam will not last very long, because there are no preservatives  to keep it. So eat it up!)

     Now for the Butter!

     I used to buy a brand of butter that had strawberries in it. I haven't been able to find the strawberry one in years, so I was SUPER happy to make this. I only used one stick of butter just to experiment with, so you can use more if you want. But this is what I used:

• 1 stick of butter, room temp, NOT melted
• 3-4 Tbsp of strawberry jam (you could use your homemade jam or you could even process some fresh strawberries into small pieces in a food processor and use those with the jam)

1. Place your butter into a bowl and with a mixer on low speed, whip it til nice and fluffy. If your butter was room temp this should only take a minute.
2. Add your strawberry jam (or your strawberry pieces and jam) and mix with mixer for a few seconds, just until incorporated.
3. Place on plastic wrap and form into a log. Roll it up, smoothing out log as you go. Wrap it up, pop in the freezer for an hour or so. Then keep it in the fridge. 

See? Told you it was simple! :D

Running With The Fireflies

     Notice that I did not say "catching fireflies?" I remember how much fun I had catching fireflies when I was a kid. It was a beautiful night, albeit pretty muggy, but there was a really nice cool breeze flowing, so I figured, "hey, lets round up the kiddies and catch us some fireflies!" Great idea!

     Wrong. In about two hours, we caught seven fireflies. Five of which I, myself, caught. M didn't catch any and lost interest after about an hour. L caught two... Well, on the last one she ran to the jar, opened her hands all excited and noticed it had escaped. She was soooo NOT happy.(See last pic lol)

     Now, that's the reason I said running with the fireflies, since most of those two hours was spent running back and forth chasing the little buggers. (I didn't remember that part from when I was younger. Oops! LOL) It went something like this:

"LOOK! There's one over there!" *run run run*

"Nooo!!! Wait! Over there!!" *run run run*

*Hmmm... I think I'll pretend I caught one so that L gets mad.*

"Oh wow! There's a BUNCH over that way! Let's go!" *more run run run*

"I'm just going to wait! La La La La La..."

 

 "Oooooh! There's one!" *sloooowly*

"HA! I got you now!"

"Mommyyyy! Loooook! I got it!" HUH?? "But...But...I caught it, I know I did!"

      I will say, it was a fun time, but definitely tiring for only seven fireflies. I really need to find someplace not too far that has a whole bunch of em. The kiddies don't believe me that places like that exist! LOL I'll show them. One day, I will...

More Than Just Mom...

     Maybe it was a blonde moment, I don't know, but I didn't even think to post my guest post! I had written a post as a guest blogger on This Is Mommyhood, (which by the way, is a seriously awesome blog. Elle has a beautifully twisted sense of humor, much like myself, and I quite literally find myself laughing out loud while reading some of her posts! If you haven't checked her out yet, you really should! Go on... Go! I'll still be here when you get back.)

     Anyhoo, like I said, it hadn't even dawned on me to post my guest post on my blog... So, here it is. :D

    More Than Just Mom….

I’m the proud mama bear of two really kick ass kiddies, Michael 12 and Lucy 7. I’m the wife (and sometimes it seems, also the mother of) a 34 year old mechanic with a bottomless stomach and an incessant NEED to race on the dirt track every.. single.. Friday.. night.. I am the strong willed daughter of a strong willed mother- (who we LIVE with in my grammie’s old house, need I say more?) I am also a maid, a nurse, a short order cook and waitress, a free taxi service, a psychologist and a referee.
I embrace all of these roles, but have come to realize that there is one title that always gets left in the dust: ME. I was me before I had kids and surely starting a family doesn’t mean that I have to entirely give up my old self, does it? (DOES IT?!?) It is so easy to lose ourselves in the day to day grind that comes with being domesticated. We feel selfish for thinking about ourselves or our own wants and needs.
As someone who hasn’t left the house- other than to go grocery shopping- in 2 months, let me just say this… You know that saying “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?” While grammatically fucked, it is completely true! I know I can definitely feel my sanity slipping away… Errrr… what’s left of it, anyways.
So, maybe as a statement or perhaps just a reminder to myself, here I am in type:

• I drink my coffee (LOTS of coffee) black with sugar.
• I dye my hair often and all shades of the rainbow.
• I am tattooed and pierced and am quite happy this way.
• I desperately need to lose weight and am NOT happy this way.
• I too often allow myself to get treated like a doormat.
• I have a very dark sense of humor and it’s not my fault if YOU can’t take a joke.
• My mouth would make a trucker run to confession, but I’m working on that.
• Good manners are surprisingly important to me.
• I have HAD IT with this bully issue and my son’s school that does N O T H I N G about it!
• Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, go to hell.
• I bake often, and always all from scratch.
• My family is my L I F E!

With all that said; tonight? I’m getting the hell out of dodge, going out for coffee with some friends where I will enjoy being…. well… ME. And then I will come home, re tuck my kiddies in, kiss their foreheads, wash my face off, go to sleep and wake up feeling renewed and ready to go. Because really, I wouldn’t trade my life for the world.

Yeeeeah, I REALLY need to take action tomorrow.

     Well, it's 3:00 am so I guess technically, I really need to take action later today. LOL I have to admit, I have been slacking lately. Like, seriously letting things squeak by in regards to cleaning and such. I need to step up, quit procrastinating and just get this crap done! Does it help that it is 3 in the morning and I'm still wide awake? Of course not! Should I be up getting started on it all since I'm awake? Absolutely. Will I? Probably not. And I'm sure I am going to sleep in today. UGH.

     One way or another, though, I WILL be getting some serious work done around here today. A few things on my list? Not that you care- but more for me to be accountable for if I post it...

• Get kitchen DONE. (all dishes, clear and scrub counters and table, clean out and reorganize some cabinets, sweep the floor... etc)
• Get both bathrooms cleaned. (I'm sure you can figure this one out.)
• Get hubby and my bedroom clean (it...is...a...mess.)  :(
• Try and finish the laundry room. (gather and sort through all the bags and bags of laundry, hell, maybe even wash some of it! Clear off and reorganize all the crap on all the shelves, etc)
• Lay about another 8 or 9 bags of rocks along the fence to- hopefully- keep the toads out of the yard.

     I'm sure I will think of a million other things that need to get done, but I'm also sure that after all of this is done, I won't do anything else. LOL Man, I feel like I have to psyche myself up to do this stuff... Or, ya know, go to bed. Ok, Ok, I'm going.... good night!

**UPDATE**

     Well, I finally fell asleep around 5:15 this morning and then woke up around 5:40 feeling sick as all hell. Dizzy and nauseous and felt like that all day. Needless to say, I got nothing done at all. Nothing. :( I guess we'll try again tomorrow. lol

Fresh Takes on Lemonade...

     Just like S'mores, almost nothing smacks you in the face and screams "SUMMER TIME!!!" like a nice cold glass of lemonade. I don't know about you, but I do tend to get pretty burned out on the same old same old. While reading an issue of Woman's World, I came across these fresh takes on the old classic:

• Virgin Watermelon Mojito: In a blender, puree 1 part lemonade with 1/2 part seedless watermelon chunks. For each serving, in a large glass, crush 2 lime slices with 1 Tbsp mint leaves. Add ice, then the watermelon lemonade.
• Lemonade Sunset: In a tall ice-filled glass, combine equal parts of lemonade and cranberry juice. Top off with a splash of orange juice.
• Tropical Breeze: In tall ice-filled glass, combine equal parts of lemonade, pineapple juice and passion fruit juice.
• Blueberry-Ginger: In a blender, process 1 part lemonade and 1/4 part blueberries. Fill tall ice-filled glass 3/4 full with the blueberry lemonade, then top off with ginger ale.
• Herbal Iced-Tea Lemonade: In a tall ice-filled glass, combine equal parts chilled, brewed lemon herbal tea and lemonade.
• Strawberry Lemonade: In tall glass, stir strawberry syrup, to taste, into lemonade, then add ice. For a little extra fun, top with a scoop of strawberry sorbet.

I am definitely going to be trying the Lemonade Sunset and the Strawberry Lemonade... Hmmm... And maybe the Tropical Breeze... Awww heck, that Blueberry-Ginger one sounds kind of interesting, I may just have to try that one, too! LOL Which one will you try?

Just a heads up...

     I JUST saw a recipe for an OREO KAHLUA ICE CREAM PIIIIE!!! Seriously.... How FREAKING yummy does THAT sound?!? I'm a bit of a broke ass this week, but make sure to check back here, because sometime in the next week or so, I'm ROCKING this pie! LOL :)

Four Simple Words...

"Love, Yer Old Man."

     That's all it took to turn me into a basket case at 3:00 this morning. I had suddenly remembered my oooold email password, and logged in (14,979 unread emails? UGH! It's going to take forever to weed through those to make sure I don't delete anything important.") Anyways, I'm scrolling through and BAM! like a pair of golf cleats to the heart, there was an email from my dad, from 2005. Which would be the year he passed away. (OK, I seriously hate that phrase, I can't believe I just used it.) The email was just a couple sentences in reply to something I had emailed him, but my God, how it killed me. It's weird how years can pass and you think a wound is almost healed only to have something rip it back open and you are right back where you started. The feeling alone, the guttural sobs, the intense pain of having a piece of your heart slowly burned away...

     Let me explain a bit. On the 4th of July, I was talking to my nearest and dearest friend, Brina. I was telling her how much I missed my dad and how every time he gave me a card, he signed it "Love, yer old man." And how it makes me sick that I will never see that again. So, you see, seeing that was like getting a brand new card and seeing that signature. It was love and happiness and rainbows shoved into a bottle with "the Nothing" (from the Neverending Story? It eats and destroys everything? No? *sigh*) It got me sooooo high and sank me sooooo very low in a matter of about 15 seconds.

     Now, last night about 2 hours before, I had been talking to another good friend, Patty. I was telling her about how I so very desperately NEED to lose weight, but I just have ZERO motivation to do so. (Cuz you know, improving my health doesn't count, right? *eye roll at myself*) This email contained a little snippet about weight. (My father was a very large man, a gentle giant, really.) I also found an email that I had sent my father with a story and pictures of a man who had lost, like, 300lbs or something to that effect. I had said to my dad, "WOW! Look at this. If he could lose this much, I KNOW we can do it, too." Just trying to motivate him. Looks like this was his way of motivating me, from beyond...

     Ready for the kicker? I had not signed into this email account in probably 2 YEARS or so, and usually after 3 (maybe 4?) MONTHS of inactivity, they deactivate it and you lose everything. Chalk it up to yet another sign from my dad... This has left me with such a tremendous amount of motivation to get this weight off. Because he needed to, because he couldn't, because I need to, because I still can. Because I want my life back and because I want to make him proud.

     I miss you endlessly, dad, and I love you to the moon and back. Thanks for the kick in the pants, and for being the BEST dad in the world while I had you. Even if it wasn't nearly long enough (but really, is it ever? how much time IS enough?) Hell, even from beyond, you are still the best dad anyone could wish for. Thank you for... well.... EVERYTHING.

Insomnia strikes again....

     Here I am, laying in bed at 2:58 am and I am sooooo very tired, but of course sleep just won't come. This is getting really old, really quick. There is a constant stream of babble running through my head and try as I might, it just won't stop. "The kitchen is an absolute mess, WHY don't you get up now and clean it?" "Ummm... because it's 2:00 in the morning and I am really freaking tired." (yes, I even answer myself in my head. And out loud, sometimes, too!) "The laundry pile is mysteriously growing bigger while you lay here." "Why aren't you up cleaning your room? Cuz you KNOW you're not going to do it tomorrow!" "How the hell am I going to get decent groceries for yummy but nutritious meals on this nickle and dime budget this week?" "If I fall asleep right now, I will get at least 5 hours of sleep. That'll be fine...." 2 hours later... "If I fall asleep now, at least I'll get 3 hours of sleep. Or maybe I can sleep in an extra hour or two... hmmm... yeah, that sounds good."

     Then, I wind up not falling asleep til about 4:40/5:00 am and I end up sleeping in WAY too late. Thank God the kiddies are older and can get a bowl of cereal if they are hungry, but I feel guilty about that. I should be awake and cooking them an awesome breakfast. I just cant help it. If I could get some freaking sleep, I COULD be up making them breakfast. And I COULD have energy throughout the day to get stuff done...

     After my self inflicted mental beatings, tossing and turning and staring at the clock, I start to doze off. And inevitably, Mike will roll over and elbow me, or fling his hot sweaty leg over mine or will let loose a behemoth of a snore and I will be right back at square one. SIGH... I....just....want....to....sleep! Is that really asking for too much? So come on, Mr. Sandman- you don't have to bring me a dream, just knock me the hell out and I will sing your praises forever! Please?

(Too) Lazy Days...

     With Summer here and the temperature quickly rising, I find my motivation slooooowly draining away. I get a little lazier with the meals, slack off on the cleaning a little more than usual, and lets not even mention the laundry. UGH! I don't know what it is, but I CAN tell you that I really can't stand it! I find that I don't really want to do much of anything, but lay poolside with the kiddies and some lemonade. I guess it's a good thing that I can recognize this as a problem, and hopefully this is the first step in fixing it.

     So, I pledge that within the next few days, I will catch up on laundry (which believe me, will be NO easy feat. lol) I will keep up with the dishes, and I will put forth more effort when it comes to our meals. There is so much more to do, but I don't want to overwhelm myself.. And it is still Summer, and darn it, I WILL enjoy it. :)

Battling the Toads....

     "RYAAAAAAAN AAAAAAANN!!!" That would be my mom screaming my name from outside at around 5:15 am. That is also how I have been woken up several mornings now. LOL Apparently, we have a toad problem. A big toad problem.

     We have lived in this house for almost 3 years now and in all that time, we have seen MAYBE 2 toads. For some reason though, the last month we have been seeing toads almost everyday! Big toads, little toads, skinny toads, fat toads, we've seen em all. This really wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for a few reasons.

1. My mom is deathly afraid of toads. She does not like them one bit.
2. They're not very good for dogs.
3. We HAVE dogs.
4. Our dogs REEEALLY want to try and eat the toads.

     So, yes, I have been woken up like that many times now and stumbled down the stairs in a sleep induced fog to get rid of the offender for my mom. And every time that I sleepily toss a toad over the fence (VERY gently, I do not do it hard, just enough so that it lands in the grass and not on the sidewalk) I can't help but giggle as it's arms and legs spread and it looks like the WB frog dancing.

     Other than filling in gaps along the fence with 12 bags of rocks (which I'm NOT looking forward to doing- LOL- I'm really not sure what to do to keep these little buggers out of our yard, so for now, the battle wages on...

     Suggestions, anyone?

Happy 4th of July!

     This was the first year in almost 14 YEARS that we did not go to our local Fest to watch the fireworks... While kind of sad, I have to admit, it was nice to not have to fight through crowds at the fest and sit in bumper to bumper traffic to get home afterwards. Even though the trees around our neighborhood obstructed our view of the more awesome fireworks, we were still able to see some, the kiddies got to go for a night swim in the pool and the adults got to kick back and relax. (while watching the kiddies in the pool of course!)

     After all is said and done, tho, it really doesn't matter WHERE we go, as long as I have my family and my Brina and her family along for the ride. That is one routine I NEVER want to break! :)

Hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July filled with family, friends and fun! I know I did... So, tell me, what did YOU do to celebrate? 

A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BIG BROTHER!!!

Today is my brother Jason's birthday. His 35th birthday to be exact! hehehe I really wish at times like these that we lived closer. We're not reeeeeally all that far away, but we are both busy with... well, life. I love him to death, though so as my little tribute to him, here are my top ten memories of my brother. :)

1. I was maybe 9 years old and wanted to be Cyndi Lauper and he wanted to crimp my hair (no clue why!) so I let him and he burned my forehead! He begged me to not tell our mom, but of course, like the little brat I was, I did.
2. When I was about 10 we had a nasty storm about to start and my mom sent me outside to get something out of the car. I was scared so Jason came with me. While outside, the sky opened up and it started hailing like crazy and I was TERRIFIED! I couldn't move, so he threw me over his shoulder, yelled "just don't fart!" and ran with me back into the building. (aaaaaand of course I farted. sorry!!)
3. Getting ready to go to bed every night and I had to turn the light off and walk across the the room to get to my bed. As soon as I'd turn the light off, he'd go "CH CH CH AH AH AH... CH CH CH AH AH AH... (think Friday the 13th) and then he'd start "Ryyyyyan Aaaaann... I'm under your bed, Ryyyyan Aaaaann, I'm going to get yoooooou." Needless to say, I would take as few steps as I could and launch myself into my bed and bury myself under the blankets.
4. Going to watch my brother's football games. (all the way from High School to College.) I was always SO proud. "That's MY big brother," I'd think to myself. I was STOKED when he got me one of the jerseys with his number on it!
5. My dad was cleaning and prepping a goose in the kitchen and there was a knock at my bedroom door. I opened it to find Jason holding out a goose head attached to a goose neck, but nothing else! "Ryan Ann! Pet me! Pet me, RyanAnn!" LMAO!!!
6. One snowy day at my bus stop (I think I was in 5th grade), a bunch of kids were harassing me and the ring leader grabbed a pile of snow and shoved it in my face. I was so upset... The next morning however, I was filled with pride as Jason walked to the bus stop with me, chewed the kids out and then shoved snow in the ring leader's face. He made him swear he would NEVER bother me again. And you know what? He NEVER did. (My brother was a pretty muscular guy!)
7. One morning (8th grade) I didn't want to go to school and was arguing with my mom about it, insisting that I was NOT going. Without thinking, I punched a hole in my bedroom wall. Just as my fist went through that wall, I heard my mom yell "YOU BETTER NOT HAVE PUT A HOLE IN THAT WALL!!!" My brother- who was home from college- jumped up and stood between my mom and I (to save my life, I'm sure) and told me I had better go get ready for school. NOW.
8. When we were taking my brother to college for the first time, I got to ride down there with my brother. This is one of my absolute favorite memories and believe me when I say that as I type this one, my eyes are tearing up. It was just him and I, driving in his car, listening to music and talking. Every time I hear the song Far Behind by Candlebox, I flashback to that moment. And it was just... idk... I really think that was the moment when I stopped thinking of him as just my brother, and started thinking of him as my friend. 
9. When he walked me down the aisle at my wedding and handed me off to my daddy.  (oooh! and dancing with him at my wedding to Celine Dion's Because You Loved Me. I can't think of a better song to sum up how I feel about him!) That day, he also stood in as a groomsman since one of ours was a total no-show. (nice huh?)
10. Seeing my brother become a father. I always KNEW he would make an amazing dad, and I was right. Those are three very lucky kiddies.

So, again, Happy Birthday Jason. Thank you SO much for always being there for me, AND for always being there for Michael-Ryan.You truly are an amazing person and I love you endlessly, my brother, my friend.

Sock and Underwear Gnomes....

HAVE YOU SEEN US?

     At first it was just our socks that were disappearing, so I just assumed it was the good old Sock Monster... Now however, underwear is going missing, too. Now I am a fairly sane person, so I realize it is highly unlikely that there is a thief going around our town stealing only these items. Which is why I am convinced and nothing will change my mind...

     There are Sock and Underwear Gnomes and our house is on their hot list! Sneaking into our house in the middle of the night, each taking one lone sock, always leaving behind it's grief stricken mate to try and find love again one day. I'm not unreasonable, I can see how socks can be very useful for these gnomes. They can be used as purses, bags to lug rocks in, or to carry away other socks with... But our underwear??? What is the purpose of stealing THAT? They need to make parachutes?

     One thing is for sure, I will not rest until I stop them! Once and for all!! 

A Very Productive Tuesday...

     It has been a pretty tiring couple days at our house... We (my mom and I) have been really focusing on getting our yard cleaned up, as it was starting to look pretty crummy. Several (HEAVY) bags of rocks and a WHOOOOLE lot of weeding and planting later, I think we're finally getting there.

     Yesterday and the day before we really focused on weeding that we had been putting off. Too many weeds along the outside of the fence to even attempt to pull, so we just went at em with the weed whacker. LOL My arms are STILL sore from that thing. I also made a big batch of meatballs, cooked them up and froze them for a later date. Yum!

     Today, we ran out to try and find some kind of ground cover to go along the outside of the fence, to hopefully crowd out some of these darn weeds, and of course to make it look a little nicer. We decided on a bunch of pretty little ground covers that should develop little yellow flowers on them, and got home and set to work. Planted 18 of them along the fence- which was definitely NOT fun! I am so out of shape, all the up and down, and squatting and bending and digging and... ugh! We'll just say, I am pretty sure that I will be sore later. We planted some more flowers in the garden bed at the front of the house and in the planter box in the same area. I sure wish I would've taken some before and after pictures, but I just wanted to get it done!  After all that?

POOL TIME!!!! Man, it felt SO good to get into that pool after working out in the heat all day. Spent a couple hours in the pool with my mom and the kiddies, where I stupidly decided "Hey! I'll get a little workout in while I'm in the pool." Yeah, I was already pretty sure I was going to be hurting from working my tail off today, now I'm certain of it. NOT the brightest idea, timing wise, at least. But oh well, at least I did something. :)

     I feel that I should add here, that I am super proud of my little L. She busted her cute little tail right along with us. She helped plant and water and did it all without complaining. Heck! She even did it with a smile on her face. No kidding. That's my girl!

Now, I'm off to go cook something yummy for dinner (not yet sure what!) and clean up the kitchen and get a couple loads of laundry done. I really should do as much as I can tonight, because I'm pretty sure I am going to be reeeeally sore tomorrow and won't feel like doing much at all. Man, I think I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight! At least I sure hope so.

Hmmmmm.... What the HECK to do for dinner?

Excellent Customer Service.... NOT!

     So, my mom and I took a run to Menard's today and upon looking at bags of rocks, my mom notices an employee right next to us. So she turns and says to him, "Excuse me, I have a question. Are you busy?" After a minute of just looking at her he says "Yeah, I am." I said to my mom, "WOW, really? He can't take a second to answer a quick question?" And he says "I'm sorry." and leaves. STRIIIIIIIKE ONE!!!

     A little while later, my mom goes to another employee and asks if he knows what we can use to tie our newly planted tree to, to act as a sort of stake. He seriously stared at us with a COMPLETELY blank face. So, after a minute I say to my mom, "OK, let's just get a damn dowel rod." So my mom asks him where we could locate the dowel rods. *insert second looooong blank stare here* "ummm... a dowel rod? uhhhhh... ummmm... hold on. *yells to another employee* "Ummm... dowel rods?" To which the guy answers that they are located in the hardware section. My mom says "where is the hardware section?" and OMG! wait for it..... waaaait for iiiit..... Yet another blank stare!!!! This guy must be going for a record here!! We start walking away and he says "Oh, um do you need to know where Hardware is?" We just asked you that!!! Grrrrrr....
STRIIIIIIIIKE TWOOOO!!!

     We pay for our stuff and wheel our cart to the van and start unloading the cart. Maybe 5 feet away from me are SIX employees standing around the cart return while ONE of them collects the carts. (So five employees standing there doing NOTHING) Here I am picking up these huge HEAVY bags of rocks out of the cart and shoving them into the van. Not one of them asks if we need help, not one comes and asks if they can take the cart (which they usually DO if they are out collecting carts and you are right by the cart return) I pick up the fifth bag of rocks and the whole top of the bag rips all the way open. **insert string of profanities that flew out of my mouth here** Really??

STRIIIIIIKE THREEEEEE! Menard's, I think it's safe to say "you're out!" LOL

     But really, I have worked retail plenty of times, and let me tell you, if I ever treated a customer like that or ignored one- even if I was on break OR CLOCKED OUT- I would have been written up or even fired. Shame on you for not training your employees better... I know everyone has their "off" days and that I shouldn't be upset, but it REALLY burned my cookies, man. Cuz I've worked it and the customer is TOP priority. It'll be a while before I go back there.

Ice Cream In A Bag!

      Upon browsing the Internet, I came across an article on making ice cream... in a bag. "No way!" I thought. Of course I HAD to get the kiddies together and give it a try! Sure as apple pie, it really works! It is a bit messy, probably because I used the baggies that have the slider top, and they were no match for huge chunks of ice, but whatever. The point is that it actually worked! I found another way of making it, using instead, two coffee cans. I do not have any actual cans of coffee, but if I can find a big one and a small one without having to buy them, I will definitely try that way. I think it would be alot less coooold on our hands. LOL Also, this specific one is just plain vanilla flavor and not chock full of sugar. It uses just milk, sugar and vanilla to make (ingredient wise) so it doesn't taste really sweet like store bought ice cream. Next time I will probably add a bit more vanilla and possibly a tiny bit more sugar. And then of course I will be messing with other flavors. But really, what a fun activity to do in the summertime! :) So anyways, here it is.

ICE CREAM IN A BAG:
Makes about 2 scoops of ice cream:

• 1 gallon size Ziploc bag
• 1 pint or quart size Ziploc bag
• 1 cup of milk OR half and half
• 1/2 tsp vanilla (I might try using more vanilla next time)
• 2 Tbsp of sugar
• Ice cubes
• 6 Tbsp of Rock salt or sea salt

1. Fill your gallon size baggie with ice about half full. Add the salt and seal the baggie.
2. In the smaller baggie, add your milk, sugar and vanilla. Seal and give it a few squishes to mix.
3. Open the big bag, put the milk baggie inside and reseal big bag.
4. Now this is where you get your arm workout (or get splashed with ice cold salt water like I did! LOL) SHAKE that bag. Shake it vigorously for 5-7 minutes.
5. Open bag, wipe off the top of the little bag before opening it. (Unless you want very salty ice cream, but hey if that's your thing, go for it.) LOL
6. Serve it up!
              



Chunky Crayons

This is a fun little project to do with your kiddies. All you need are some crayons, a muffin tin (I used a mini muffin tin) and an oven. These make GREAT crayons for toddlers because they are chunky and round, making it easier for little hands to hold onto.

• Preheat oven to 200 degrees.
•  Use broken bits of crayons or peel the paper away from whatever crayons you are going to use and break into little pieces. (Crayola Crayons really do work best with this)
• Separate into piles of like colors. Spray your muffin tins with non stick spray.

• Place crayon bits into the muffin tins however you see fit. I like doing reds, oranges and yellows together and pinks and purples together, and blues and greys... etc. But you can do solid colors, if you want. Or even mix em all up into a rainbow crayon.

• Place in oven until melted. Usually takes about 10 minutes in my oven. You know they are ready when it resembles paint.

• This is where I like to get in there with a toothpick and give it a little swirl.
• Let cool completely, about an hour. Pop em out of the tin and you are ready to rock! (sometimes even with the non stick spray, they will stick. I flip the tin over and give the bottom of each well a smack with a butterknife handle. :)

Even my 12 year old son gets excited about making these! Heck, so do I!

**You can also use those silicon molds for this. I used the tins, because that's what I had on hand. :)