Rely on Him, He's Got You.

I'm gonna get real for a minute here. I mean, REALLY real. But it's so heavy on my heart right now, and when it's THIS heavy on my heart, I know it needs to be shared, cuz someone out there may be going through similar and maybe they need to read it. I promise you, this isn't me complaining. Tho if you don't read till the end, it may seem that way. And by the way, I'm totally gonna talk about God. AND this is gonna be LONG. So if either of those things aren't your thing- just scroll through and find a different post to read. I love you anyways. 

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Sometimes, life can seem like it just plain SUCKS. It DOESN'T suck tho, it just FEELS like it does. These last few months have been that way for me. In a MAJOR way. Where to even start?

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Money?? For months now, despite budgeting like crazy, we've struggled to take care of what we NEED to take care of money wise. It's SO hard to be able to budget each week, when we have absolutely NOOOO idea what the paycheck will be from week to week. We never know what bills we can pay till the paycheck hits. Then we readjust as best as we can to work with what we have. Lately, it's been a lot of too little paycheck to cover too many bills. Many weeks  it's a struggle just to put food on the table, let alone "healthier" food. Cell phones got shut off and will probably be off for the next week, at LEAST. The soles of my husband's and daughter's shoes have been separated from the bottoms of the shoes for MONTHSSSSS now with no way in near sight to replace them. Behind on several other bills cuz I was waiting and waaaaaiting on a check that turns out, wasn't actually coming because the school took the money and used it for Michael's school fees that he forgot to pay.  Today I noticed 2 new chips in my windshield, one of which is starting to spider out. I've even cancelled the very few "extras" I was getting to save money, with no difference shown from doing so. 

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Emotional Health? I have felt more alone this past year than I EVER imagined possible. I don't talk to anyone. Aside from a couple of  people, no one reaches out to me anymore and many times when I reach out, it goes unanswered.  I know that sometimes goes with being in sales- they assume if you're reaching out that you are looking for a "sale". That's NOT me. I'm not reaching out for a sale- I'm reaching out for HUMAN INTERACTION. I don't hang out with anyone. I don't get invited to get togethers. MANY friendships have faded away. (Different paths in life. I get it. We all gotta do what we gotta do.) 

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Life in general? Aside from grocery shopping once a week and school drop off/pick up, I don't leave the house. AT ALL. I have no hobbies. No outlet. I clean all day, (almost) every day, and by the end of the night, the house is trashed again and I've gotta do it all over again. 

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I'm tired. BONE TIRED. SOUL TIRED. I get tired of hoping for an end to the storm that's been consistently beating down upon my household for what feels like forever. I'm tired of being strong and pushing forward with a smile on my face. Sometimes, I even feel tired of praying when nothing seems to be changing. 

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Do you see all the hearts throughout this post?  They seem pretty out of place, given what I'm saying, don't they?

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These hearts signify LOVE. Because NO MATTER WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH- No matter how alone or forgotten I feel- No matter how weary I get-

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I AM SOOOOOOO LOVED AND BLESSED by God!!!!!!

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We may not have a bunch of money. Sometimes, we may not even have some of the money we NEED, but we DO have more money than others out there. And HE knows what I NEED more than I do!

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Those shoes? They're a lesson. We're learning to stretch and make the most of what we have. SUCH an important lesson. AND it shows me every day, what a dedicated hard working hubster I have. Cuz he wears them every day, rain or shine and rarely complains about them. And my daughter hasn't complained about them, not even once. And she's a teen, y'all. That's HUGE. 

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We don't have the nicest house, and barely enough room for everyone, but we HAVE a house. We HAVE a roof over our heads and walls to shelter us from the elements. MANY DON'T. 

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I may not see or talk to my friends often anymore, but I know that if I really needed them, most would have my back. 

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It may FEEL hopeless sometimes, but there's ALWAYS hope. I promise you, it's always there!

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We tend to pray when times are hard. Obviously. And we thank God when things are great.  But one thing I've learned is that it's SO important to thank God WHILE you're struggling! Like: "God- I'm struggling cuz there's not enough money to pay xyz- but THANK YOU for blessing us with EVERY penny that you DID!! God, I'm SO tired of cleaning up all these messes every single day, but THANK YOU for giving me these beautiful children that make the messes AND the ability to be able to clean them! You are truly a GOOD GOD! Thank you for all that you have done in my life, and ALL that you are GOING to do." 

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No matter how tired I am, God NEVER gets tired of hearing from me. He NEVER gets tired of loving me. And I DO believe that He gave me these storms for a reason. And He gives me the strength I need to battle my way through it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. without fail. Even when I'm at my weakest- BOOM! That strength kicks in. I truly believe that He is sending me through these storms so that I can learn to STOP relying on myself for everything. Because HE is the one I should be relying on. In ALL things. 

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No matter what I'm going through or you're going through, no matter what life throws at us- God's GOT me. And He's got YOU. EVERY single step of the way. We are SO unbelievably loved. So count your blessings, keep your head up, and just keep marching forward. Even when you feel like you can't.  It'll get better. Through the storms, we learn to truly appreciate all the good!

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And I promise you, He has SO MUCH good in store for you and me. AMAZING things. Things that are so much better than we could even imagine. We just gotta cling to Him and keep the faith through the storms. 

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Love and Light, my beautiful friends. 

Chocolate Chip Banana Muffins

While I love trying new recipes, there are just some recipes that I will never stray from. I have used them over and over again, and will never use a different one. This Chocolate Chip Banana Muffin Recipe is one of them. 

They started out as my Chocolate Chip Banana Bread, and one day,  I randomly decided to try them as muffins. And it worked amazingly well as muffins. 

And that is literally how my Chocolate Chip Banana Muffins were born. From a random craving. 

These are super easy, make the entire house smell fantastic, and they are absolutely delicious. 

YOU NEED:

• 1 and 3/4 cups flour
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 2 Tbsp brown sugar
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp baking soda
• pinch of salt
• 1 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1/2 cup semi sweet chocolate chips
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 4 large bananas, very ripe, mashed very well
• 1/2 cup butter, MELTED AND COOLED 
• 1 and 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and line a muffin tin with your cupcake/muffin liners.
2. In a large bowl, combine the flour, sugars, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and chocolate chips. Set aside.
3. In medium bowl, mash your bananas. To the bananas, add your eggs, melted butter and vanilla and mix very well.
4. Gently fold the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients, just til incorporated.. DO NOT OVER MIX!!
5. Pour batter into muffin tins to about 2/3 full and bake for 16 to 18 minutes, or til golden and they pass the handy dandy toothpick test. 
6. If you want a little extra something something, you can lightly dust the tops with powdered sugar. (But really, they are sweet enough on their own!)

I hope you love these as much as my family and I do! If you make these, I'd love for you to comment and let me know what you think! And feel free to share on Facebook and pinterest.. etc. After all, sharing is caring, right?! 

Love and Light!

Mom Life Is No Joke!! Finding the Joy In My Journey.

Some of you mommies have it all together, every second of every day. You run a tight ship, your kiddies behave perfectly, your home is immaculate. You do it all, flawlessly, and never ever complain. And while that's awesome, and I give you MAJOR kudos, this post is not for you, Susan. 

Seriously. I joke about mom life a lot- but sometimes "mom life" is no joke. And it's so easy to lose yourself in the day to day monotony of it all. Especially when you have really little ones in the home. 

I'm in a season right now, where my days consist of getting kids cleaned up and dressed (several times a day cuz my kids get beyond filthy and spill shit all over themselves multiple times a day).

Cleaning up ALL the messes (cuz I promise you that no one else here is gonna do it).

Breaking up fights.

CONSTANTLY saying "don't put that in your mouth", which is alwaaaays followed by yelling "GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!!!" to the younger kids, which is alwaaaays followed by digging said object out of the offenders mouth while they scream in displeasure.

Always yelling "DON'T YOU EAT THAT!!" to the dogs, which is always followed by "DAAAAMN IT!!" and trying to dig the object out of THEIR mouths. 

Wiping up the millionth puddle of juice, water, and milk, because those Spill Proof/Leak Proof Miracle 360° cups are cute little cups of LIES. 

I wipe faces, hands, butts, noses, and tears (not in that order) seemingly nonstop. I get to relieve myself with a toddler in the bathroom with me who is hellbent on tearing everything out of the cabinets while I am temporarily immobilized and unable to stop her. And she knows it. And when she's NOT in there with me, you better believe someone else is trying to talk to me through the damn door. 

Begging kids to just eat the food I made, especially since I usually cook 2-3 different meals for dinner. EVERY. NIGHT. No preaching about "you're the mom- they'll eat what you make or they can go hungry. If they're hungry enough, they'll eat it." Cuz NO, that doesn't work with ALL kids. It worked with 3 of my 4. One of them tho, cannot make herself eat what she doesn't like. And if you try and force her, she WILL go hungry. Again and again and again. And then she will become malnourished and VERY scarily sick. Been there, done that. I'll choose to keep making more than one meal over that ANY day, thank you very much. 

My life right now is an endless cycle of diapers, laundry, and dishes- the last two being the jobs I dispise the most- but again, no one else is going to do them. 

There is no quiet in my life- not even in bed cuz the hubster snores his ass off. I don't think I'd know what to do with quiet if I ever got it. 

I do the budgeting and I do the shopping while trying to stick to that budget. And I try to work on building up stock in our freezers and pantry so that we can be prepared for hard times. Which isn't always easy when you're on a tight budget- but it's even more important to do that when your budget is always tight. 

I work hard to ensure that we are getting as much as we possibly can out of anything we buy, and trying to minimize waste. Trying to make sure that each family member is prepared for each season, especially the cold winter months. 

I tend to everyone else when they're sick, even when sick myself. And then I get to disinfect the house.

I've been on a NONSTOP 24/7 shift for 20 years now, with no end in near sight. I don't get breaks. I don't get timeouts. I don't get sick days or days off. It's just go go go go go go go go GO. Every moment of every day. I KNOW there are other mamas out there that feel me on that, right?? 

I don't have hobbies anymore nor the time for the ones I did have, let alone the ability to get out without the youngest kiddo and actually do them. Lol

I'm a mom. Which also makes me a short order cook. A maid. A laundry service. A chauffeur. A nurse. A referee. A therapist. A sounding board. A mediator. And sometimes even a doormat.

And I do it all without expecting anything in return. Because taking care of others is just my heart. It's in my blood. It always has been and always will be. 

So yes, maybe I signed up for all of this- but that doesn't chage the fact that it's EXHAUSTING- mentally and physically. I wish that *I* could just pack up and go somewhere for an overnight trip. Shit, even just for a few hours without phone calls and texts about "wheres this? Where's that? Baby is getting cranky. Baby is REALLY cranky now. Baby is tired. When will you be home? Baaaaaaabe??" 🤣

I'd LOVE for my hubster to recognize that I'm burning out, before it actually happens. I'd LOVE for him to be able to help me out around here. But that man works incredibly long hours and when he comes home after working his fingers to the bone all day, he just wants to sit down and relax. And I get that. I WANT him to be able to unwind after a long day. He more than deserves that. 

But so do I.

Tonight, the hubster gets to go away and play at our yearly camping excursion while I'm holding down the homefront. AGAIN. I've missed out on this much anticipated camping trip for the last several years now. And I'm not gonna lie- I'm a bit jealous. Maybe even a bit bitter. I'm only human- fight me. 🤣 

But I'm also happy that he got to go unwind and blow off some steam. And I hope he has a great time. 

So you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to clean this child tornado strewn house. 

I'm going to cook the meals. 

I'm going to wipe the butts and noses and rock and shush the toddler. 

And then, I'm going to build a giant fucking blanket fort with the kids. 

I'm going to fill it with every pillow we own. 

I'm going to put a movie on and watch it with them. 

I'm going to laugh with them. 

And snuggle them. 

And read with them. 

I'm going to get on my knees and pray my heart out to my God, that He takes the sting out of my heart and rights my attitude. That He gives me the strength to do all that I have to do and the grace to do it with a softer heart.

And then I'm probably going to pass out. 

And THEN- God willing- I'm going to wake up in the morning and do it all again with a smile on my face. 

Cuz I'm a mom and that's just what we do. 

Every single day that we are blessed to wake up, we have to make the CHOICE to see the good in all we do. To recognize that every seemingly mundane task that we do, BLESSES our families. To be grateful for what we have. To find JOY in our journey.

And ya know what? I'm beyond blessed to have a home to clean. To have these beautiful sassy mouths to feed, as well as the food to feed them with. To have all that dreaded laundry that keeps us warm and cozy and covered. To have each other and to have LOVE.

If that doesn't put a smile on my face and a skip in my step, I don't know what will!

Blessed beyond measure, y'all. 

Fall Dinner Party

Saturday night, we hosted our first Annual Fall Dinner Party. 

Don't let that beautiful sky fool you- the weather was not exactly pleasant, as it got mighty cold and was extremely windy, but between the fire and the warm food, we got by just fine. 🤣

We had so much fun decorating and making the food for the party, but most of all, we just enjoyed being with our friends and family. Here are a few highlights:

These went on the tables: 

Tables set up:

Random shots of the festivities:

 Not to toot my own horn, but the food was so delicious and absolutely perfect for the weather. 

We enjoyed:

Bison Sweet Potato Chili with corn muffins:(no pic of the muffins- sorry!)

Homemade Hot Chocolate:

(with Mini Maple Marshmallows!! YUM!)

Pumpkin Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Fall Brookies:

Triple Chocolate Brownies:

And a S'mores Bar. (No pic of that either, but it was Hershey's bars, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, marshmallows, pumpkin spice marshmallows, and Graham crackers all laid out.)

We truly enjoyed the night and already can't wait to gather together and do it all again next year!!

Fall Brookies

I love Brookies. I mean, brownies with cookies on top? Hello, that's a dream come true! What could be better than some plain old brookies? My Fall Brookies, that's what!!

What makes them "Fall" Brookies, you ask? Well, the cookies on top of these brownies are no ordinary cookies, my friends. No, they are my seriously ahhhhmazing Pumpkin Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies! 

Those two combined, created an out of this world Fall Brookie that, you guessed it, is perfect for Fall! I made them for our first Annual Fall Dinner Party and they FLEW! 

Now, I LOVE baking from scratch, but lately I just haven't had the time for all that. So I started with a boxed brownie mix, added some tweaks and then topped it with my cookie dough. Super simple!

Now, I'm going to warn you, my cookie recipe makes A LOT of cookies. So, you can make the batter to use some on the brookies and then make some cookies, too. Or you can make the cookies and just save some for the brookies. Or you can use some for the Fall Brookies and freeze the rest for future use. I freeze that cookie dough all the time and they still bake up beautifully. 

Onto the recipe!

• 1 box of brownie mix (use homemade if you'd like!)
• 1 tsp ground cinnamon
• .25 cup strong brewed coffee 
• My Pumpkin Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

1. Mix up the ingredients to make the cookie dough using the recipe linked above. 
2. Preheat oven to whatever your box mix or recipe says. Spray your baking dish with cooking spray (I used an 8x8 dish) 
3. Prepare your brownie mix as directed on the box, and then add the cinnamon and coffee. Stir well. 
4. Pour brownie batter into baking dish and top with dollaps of cookie dough. Press the cookie dough down just a bit. 
5. Bake however long the box tells you to, based on your size baking dish. 
6. Cool completely, cut into squares, and serve em up!

I hope you enjoy these Fall Brookies as much as my family and I do! Do you have a favorite Fall recipe? I'd love to hear about it in the comments below!

Happy Birthday, Little One!

I'm not sure where the time has gone, but it sure has flown by! I cannot believe that it has been one year since our sweet little Gwendolyn made her first appearance into the world.

Seriously, y'all, love at first sight!

I'd be lying if I said that going from 3 kids to 4 kids took no adjusting. Just having a baby in the house again after 6 years was a serious adjustment!! Maybe that's also because I'm older now? Who knows. As hard of an adjustment as it was tho, I wouldn't change it for the world. 

Gwendolyn has brought so much sunshine to our family. So many belly laughs. And let me tell you, we thought our Josephine was the daredevil of the family? Gwendolyn has officially taken over that title, in every way.

We are so incredibly blessed to have her in our family. (We're blessed to have each one of our amazing kiddies, but this post is about her.) And we cannot wait to watch her grow. Tho if time could just slow down a bit, I'd surely appreciate it. Mmmkay? Thanks.

Happy Happy Birthday, sweet girl! We love you!

Bedroom Makeover On A Budget

Our bedroom was in desperate need of a makeover. About 7 years ago, we turned our dark smokey blue room into a dark purple and black cave. Seriously, I don't know what I was thinking when I chose the colors I did. They are great colors, but they really did nothing for the space they were in. 

We put up a black canopy and had purple (and red) christmas lights along the ceiling. I guess it fit my mood back then.. But over the years, my tastes changed. My then youngest kiddo loved to pull on the canopy, so that was the first thing to go. We used really cheap paint and didn't prime the walls at all, so fast forward to a year ago and the old blue paint started showing through the newer purple walls and black ceiling. 

We didn't realize that was what was happening tho, so when I was pregnant with my now youngest kiddo, it was really seriously annoying me. I had my hubster take a wet rag and wipe the ceiling down. All was well and my nerves were settled. Until about 3 days later when the streaks came back and brought along about a million friends. You can really see it in the pic below, on the ceiling. Talk about an eyesore!!!

So we decided it was time to just repaint. I decided that the space needed to be lightened up. Like, a lot. I found a beautiful pale purple and grey and ran them by my hubster. I'll admit, I was a bit worried that he would think the purple was too feminine of a color. I didn't want to be that chick, ya know? Luckily, he loved them and gave the ok. 

Now I just had to piece everything together. 

We bought Behr premium paint with primer in the shades Evening Slipper and Flannel Grey. At around $40 a gallon, the paint was a bit more than I wanted to spend, but I didn't want to risk the old paint showing through again, so I decided to splurge a bit. It was definitely worth it and the colors totally transformed the room. 

We had a crappy little shelf that we had spray painted black for the previous makeover and a black tv tray as our bedside tables. 

They HAD to go, but I was not willing to drop a couple hundred dollars each for nightstands. I shopped around.. a lot. I'm not kidding you, I think I looked at just about every store out there. Two hundred for one, FIVE hundred for ONE... Are you serious?? I only had about a hundo budgeted for two of them together. And the cheaper ones had terrible reviews. I was starting to feel defeated. Then I stumbled across one on Overstock. Two of them were going to cost a little over $100 and the reviews were great. I put them in my cart and waited and watched the price. Over the next two weeks or so, sales came and went. Then one day, boom! Together, on an awesome sale, it was going to be exactly $100 for both of them together! Better believe I jumped at that. They fit the space perfectly and I'm extremely happy with them. You'll see them in the last pic. 

I've been back on a major decluttering kick again and really wanted to get rid of a ton of crap, especially eye clutter. So most of the shelves that were previously on our walls did not go back up. After putting all of our dvds into a dvd case, the metal dvd stands were kissed goodbye as well. Minimizing what was on that wall and dresser was a total breath of fresh air! We mounted our tv on the wall, too. The tv mount kit was like $30. 

BEFORE:

AFTER:

More decluttering happened in the closet, tho I don't have a good before pic of that before I emptied it out to paint. Let me just say that our closet was a total trainwreck. We had my husband's dresser in there and storage containers full of junk crammed in every space possible. 

We gave my husband's dresser to our youngest kiddo and we are now sharing my dresser, half and half.  That alone freed up a ton of space in the closet. We also installed some adjustable shelving on both sides of the closet to put shoes and purses and stuff. We're really digging how open it is in there now! I'm still working on going through the stuff that's in the last storage bin. (No clue why there's a toy in my laundry basket, tho. Life with kids, ya'll. )

BEFORE:

AFTER:

I definitely wanted to get rid of the black curtains, too. I found the perfect pair but they sold out before I could buy them. My second choice worked out beautifully, tho, in my opinion. 

I went through all of our knick knacks and chose my absolute favorites (mostly the succulents and flowers) to be displayed on shelves that flank our bed and we got rid of the rest. 

I brought up our storage bench and put that at the foot of our bed to store our older comforter. I did update our comforter. I bought one thinking it was a flat grey one very similar to our older one that was brown. I was a bit disappointed to see that in real life, it wasn't quite a flat grey, but rather a silver. It's grown on me tho and now I love it. The old one will come back out next Fall/Winter as it's quite a bit heavier. 

My favorite part of the makeover tho is this bed. My entire life, I've wanted a bed with a headboard. Ya know, like an actual bed. I've only ever had a mattress on the box spring and metal frame that you buy with the mattress. (Aside from when I had a metal futon when I was pregnant with my first kiddo.. that was an awful idea!) I couldn't justify spending a ton of money on it tho.. They can be SO pricey! So I  found a couple that we liked at different stores online. I added them all to the sites' carts and I waited. I waited and watched the prices go up and down. I waited and waited and watched and waited some more. Finally, a crazy awesome sale hit and the price was beyond ahhhhmazing. Knowing we would likely never see the price that low again, we jumped on it. Seriously ya'll, we paid less than half the original price. That's a super mega win in my book!!

BEFORE:

 AFTER:

Doesn't that look so much better?! Seriously, I walk into our room now and I instantly smile. I sleep so much better (well, as well as I can sleep with our youngest peanut hogging the bed.) and wake up happier, too. 

I absolutely love the way that our bedroom turned out. I'm so happy that even tho my hubster couldn't see my vision, he trusted it. I know it wasn't easy, not knowing if it would turn out well, but he just kept saying "whatever makes you happy will make me happy, babe." And in the end? He absolutely loves it, too. Which is a total win!

Our floor is in terrible shape but we'll tackle that project next year. 

English Muffin Bread

This is most definitely one of the easiest breads I've ever made. 

And trust me when I say that a lot of bread has been made with these hands, aaaand passed through these lips. 

Straight to my hips. 

Seriously, I feel you Shakira. My hips don't lie either. 

Anyways, back to the bread... 

This stuff whips up like a dream, bakes up beautifully, and when toasted, tastes just like an English Muffin. You get the nooks, the crannies, and all of the deliciousness. 

I've got several variations in the works, but this is the base recipe for all of em. 

Note: I usually use honey to sweeten this, but I knew my 8 month old peanut would be eating it so I replaced the honey with sugar this time around. Cuz you know, the whole botulism/ honey/ babies under 12 months thing. I've read that cooking/ baking isn't high enough heat to kill the potential spores, so I err on the side of caution. 

All you need is:

• 2 and 2/3 cups of warm water
• 2 Tbsp sugar (you can totally use honey instead) 
• 3 and 1/2 tsp Active Dry Yeast
• 1 Tbsp salt
• 5 and 1/2 cups of All Purpose Flour
• 2 Tbsp butter, melted

1. In a large bowl, add the water, sugar (or honey), and yeast. Give it a stir and let sit for 5 minutes or so to let the yeast proof.
2. Add the flour and salt and mix very well. This is not going to come together or look like regular old bread dough, so don't freak out and throw it away thinking you messed up. This is a VERY wet sticky dough. 
3. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap (or a warm damp towel) and let rise until the dough touches the top of the bowl. This took about 40 minutes for me. 
4. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and grease two loaf pans. Divide the dough between the two pans. Yes, I know, the dough is crazy sticky! It can help to spray some cooking spray on your hands to help minimize the sticking. 
5. Cover the pans and let sit til the dough reaches the tops of the pans. This took about 30 minutes for me.
6. Pop the pans into the preheated oven and bake for 35 to 40 minutes. READ: 5 to 10 minutes before your bread is done, pour the melted butter over the tops and finish baking. 
7. By now, the smell should be driving you absolutely crazy! When the bread is a nice golden brown, remove from oven and cool in pan on wire racks. Wait until completely cool to slice. 

Toast some up and slather with butter.. or jelly.. or both. My hips won't judge you.

Now sit back and listen to the Heavens sing!