Life As Seen By Rani: My intro to blogging

      I am SO very excited for this new blog and to see what Rani has to say.You should totally check this blog out. You! Yes, YOU!! Go on, go take a look-see, I'll be here when you get back. :)

Life As Seen By Rani: My intro to blogging: Today, thanks to the encouragement of my daughter Sabri and and computer knowledge of a wonderful friend RyanAnn, the "Life as Seen By Rani...

Things I'm Thankful For Thursday

     Hmmm... Today is one of those tough days where I really have to search the dark recesses of my mind for something that I am thankful for. Which, really is saddening considering I have plenty to be thankful for. I've been in quite a funk the last few days tho, so I'm sure that has something to do with it. Maybe, a little. Yeeeah, ok, I'm sure that has A LOT to do with it.

     Even as I am writing this, I'm having to fight off all the negative thoughts that are bombarding me. I feel like I'm trying to recognize a friend's face while walking through a room filled with nothing but faceless people. If that makes any sense?? The point is, I realize that it's most important to think of things I'm thankful for at times like these. It's easy to come up with things when life is going fucking peachy. Not so much when life starts throwing you the middle finger. So, I'm throwing life MY exclamation-point-tattooed middle finger and digging deep for this one. I will find something, no matter how small it may be today.

     Ya know what? It is absolutely freeeeezing out today.. I am very thankful that my kiddies and I have a roof over our heads and warm clothes to wear as well as food in our bellies. Many out there, do not. In fact, Mike and I actually had the following conversation about this while we were outside smoking, freezing our asses off:

• Mike: "Man, it's freezing!"
• Me: "Nah, it's not thaaat bad yet." 
• Mike: "Damn! I'm glad I'm not homeless, I don't know how they do it. They are fucking hardcore, man."
• Me: *MEGA face palm* " Did you really just say that? It's called not having a choice. They do what they gotta do. Do you think they want to be outside in this?"
• Mike: "OH... Well...ummm... no... like I said, they are fucking hardcore."
• Me: -_-
• Mike: "Shut up!!"
• Me: "I didn't say anything at all." *goes back inside to finish cooking and thinks about locking him outside for a bit.*

     Don't worry, I didn't do it. Just thought about it. Kinda like the time I thought about setting him on fire. But that's a story for another time.

     Oh, and hey! FYI I didn't set him on fire, either.

    

Pizza Bread

     This is an awesome from scratch dinner sure to please adults and children alike. Well, as long as they like pizza. But come on, everybody likes pizza, uh? My kiddies just love helping make this from start to finish. It starts with a basic pizza dough recipe, and you can change it up however you see fit. You can change up the cheese in it, or you can add pepperoni or sausage, etc. Make it how YOU like it! Also, it makes two decent size rolls, so you can make one plain cheese and one with meats or veggies. Get creative! :)

Extra dough turned into homemade pizza pockets. YUM!

Pizza Bread:

• 2 cups warm water
• 2 tsp sugar (to feed the yeast)
• 2 packets of active dry yeast, or 4 1/2 tsp if you buy in bulk
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 2 tsp salt
• 2 tsp garlic powder
• 1 Tbsp Mrs Dash garlic and herb seasoning
• 5 cups flour plus a bit more (for kneading out excessive stickiness)
• 1/3 cup Parmesan cheese for bread dough, plus some extra for topping
• 1 egg mixed with 1 Tbsp of water to make an egg wash.
• 1 jar of pizza sauce (I usually just use 2-3 small cans of tomato sauce and season the sauce up myself)
• desired pizza toppings (I love pepperoni or turkey sausage, removed from casings and cooked up)
• Your favorite pizza cheese (I use a  mix of mozzarella and Mont. Jack with a lil cheddar thrown in. I also use about 1 1/2 to 2 cups PER roll)
• 1-2 Tbsp butter, melted, to brush over top after baked

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a fairly large bowl, combine the warm water, yeast and sugar. Let sit for 5 - 10 minutes to proof. It should get nice and foamy. If it doesn't get foamy, your yeast is more than likely no good.
2. Add salt, oil, the flour, garlic powder, Mrs Dash and the Parmesan cheese. Mix it very well, adding more flour about a handful at a time until the dough does not stick to the side of the bowl and does not feel sticky to the touch.
3. Knead for 5 minutes minutes by hand. When done kneading, place in a deep oiled bowl, covered with a warm, damp towel, in a draft free space for 20 minutes, or until doubled as much as you want it to be. I have let it go for as long as an hour.
4. When risen to your liking, remove from bowl and punch dough down. Divide dough in half, place on a cookie sheet sprayed with nonstick spray and roll out into a pretty thin rectangle.
5. Brush the egg wash over the dough. Spread some pizza sauce over the dough, careful NOT to cover the edges or the dough wont seal. Place your meat down all over surface (if using),   sprinkle mozzarella cheese on top and then sprinkle with Parmesan..
6. With the rectangle of dough horizontally in front of you, roll from the bottom to the top and pinch the seam and ends to seal it closed.
7. Repeat with other loaf. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Cover both pizza rolls and let rise until oven has come to temperature.
8. Bake at 350 for 35- 40 minutes. Remove from oven, and immediately cover each roll with foil for 5 minutes or so. This will help soften the crust up a bit. 
9. Brush the tops with a little bit of melted butter and top with some extra Parmesan. Slice it up and serve. Ohhhh yeeeeah! :)

Ok, Who's Been Eavesdropping On Me??

I think this sums Mike and I up quite often. Except, well... We *are* married. LMAO

Sure, silence is golden. But it sure can suck.

I came across the picture a while back and the quote has been stuck in my head ever since...

 

     I am quite guilty of not always saying what I really want to say. While I am nothing but honest in what I choose to say, I do tend to keep a fairly tight filter on my thoughts. This picture got me wondering why. Why are some things so easy to say, while others are so difficult? What allows us to say hurtful words, or spew forth funny stories, but stops us from uttering words of great importance to us? I think that for many, part of the problem is not wanting to sound stupid. When really, if it's something that is important to you, it is never stupid. I know that for me, a huge part of this problem is not being taken seriously for what I have to say. Or even more, the fear of rejection. I swear to you, I have a real live mosh pit, throwing down inside my head on a daily basis. Thoughts running rampant, sweatily slamming into one another, fighting for the chance to jump on the center stage that is my tongue and be heard. Sadly, most of these thoughts get swallowed back up. And of course, it is always the important ones. Like:

• "you really pissed me off when you said that to me." 
• "I'm tired of being treated like the fucking door mat that you wipe your dog shit covered shoes upon."
• "I don't know how much more I can take." 
• "I'm just not happy but it's out of my control."
• "You should probably stay the hell away from me right now, unless you want to get jacked in the face."
• "No, I'm really not ok, ok?" 
• "You mean the world to me."
• And of course, "I love you." 

     I make sure to tell my kiddies that one as often as I can, but other than them, I have a very difficult time expressing that sentiment to the right people. Why? Rejection. I don't just say "I love you" to say it. That is not a phrase that should be taken lightly. So to me, that would be the worst thing possible to say to someone and have it not be returned. Or to say it and have that person then feel... idk, obligated to say it back? I don't ever want to be an obligation to someone. I want to be chosen. To be chosen over and over again. Not because they have to choose me, but because they want to. Because they feel that I am worthy of their love.

     But none of this is likely to change any time soon. I'm sure I will just continue to remain silent and bottle shit in. And life will go on. Like it always does. Because the world keeps spinning and it stops for no one.

semi-Wordless Wednesday

     Reading a cookbook and I TOTALLY read this wrong. However, I didn't realize I read it wrong until after I got all excited, thinking, "HELL YES!! Finally a cookbook that is more my style!...... Oh.. Ohhhh.. Damnit."  -__-

The Storm Within

Steadily building, this inner storm
Never slowing, only growing
Rapidly building in it's intensity
Rain, pouring forth from my eyes
It blinds me
Thunder, crashing inside of my head
It deafens me
Lightening, striking inside of my heart
My own shock therapy
It's all too much,
It's not enough,
Just a taste, but I want more
So I will dance in the fiercely blowing wind,
And I will kiss the falling rain
And I will embrace this raging storm
Until I find peace again.

©RyanAnn LiveLaughLoveBake

Chocolate Bacon Bark

This one is soooo seriously simple. It doesn't even really need a recipe!

You Will Need:

• 1 bag chocolate chips (milk or semi sweet)
• 4-5 slices of bacon, cooked and crumbled (I used turkey bacon and it was great, but I highly recommend using regular old bacon.)

Directions:

1.  Line the bottom of a loaf pan or square baking pan with parchment paper. Spray lightly with nonstick cooking spray and set aside.
2. In a medium microwave safe bowl, melt your chocolate chips. Start with 1 minute, stir, then keep going in 15 second increments stirring each time until melted. Remember, chocolate chips are made to retain their shape. So stir, stir, stiiir baby!
3. Pour half of the melted chocolate into the prepared pan. Smooth it out with an offset spatula. Or the back of a spoon. Whatever's clever man, I won't judge.
4. Sprinkle the bacon evenly over the chocolate and pour remaining melted chocolate on top. Carefully smooth it over again.
5. Chill in fridge til set, then break into pieces and enjoy! (While it is yummy cold, it is *mooost* delicious at room temperature.) Try it both ways and let me know which you prefer!

Apple Fritter Rings, with Caramel Apple variation

These turned out SO delicious! Seriously, my 13 year old ate these,  and he HATES apples. Whoa folks, shit just got real!

You will need:

• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 3/4 tsp (plus 1 tsp separate)ground cinnamon
• 2 Tbsp brown sugar
• 2 cups buttermilk or milk
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 4 tsp veg oil, plus 1 1/2 to 2 cups for frying
• 2 large eggs, lightly beaten
• 2 cups flour
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 4 apples, cored, peeled, cut into 1/2 inch-thick rings

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a medium bowl, combine the 1/2 cup of sugar and cinnamon.
2.  In a large bowl, whisk milk, 4 tsp of oil, vanilla, 1 tsp of cinnamon and eggs. Stir in flour, 2 Tbsp of the brown sugar, baking powder, and salt.
3. In a large, heavy, high-sided skillet, heat the 2 cups of oil til it reaches 375º with a candy thermometer. (In all honesty, I never use one. I flick a drop of water into the oil and if it starts splattering, we're golden. Of course I won't mention how after doing so I jump back quick as hell and duck for cover. Oh, wait, I just did. Shit! Lets just keep that between you and me. Our little secret, ok?).  
4. In batches of 3 or 4 at a time, coat the apple rings in batter and fry until golden brown, about 4 minutes for each batch, flipping halfway through.
5. Transfer to a paper-towel-lined baking sheet to drain. 
6. Toss apples in cinnamon sugar and serve immediately.
7. If doing the Caramel Apple variation, heat up some Caramel ice cream topping and drizzle over the finished rings when ready to eat.

HAPPY NATIONAL CHOCOLATE CAKE DAY!!

My kiddies were SO excited about today being National Chocolate Cake Day that, even though I baked my ass off on a cake the day before, they somehow still talked me into making another cake today. So I hurried up and threw together this Chocolate Cake with Vanilla buttercream and strawberry filling. YUMMM!!

20's Themed Birthday Cake

I was asked to make a cake for a friend's birthday. She was going to her party fully dressed as a flapper, so the cake needed to be 20's themed. We decided on a chocolate cake with strawberry filling and vanilla buttercream. It turned out pretty damn tasty and didn't look too bad either. Recipe is coming soon, so be on the lookout! :)

Swallowed

The hollowness swallowed her whole. 

And still, she felt too much. 

She prayed for the emptiness to go away. 

For the pain to cease.

 Screamed to the Heavens above 

For relief. 

Or release. 

 It didn't matter which. 

But the pain refused to let her go. 

And the emptiness continued to grow. 

And the hollowness inside of her, it swallowed her whole..

©RyanAnn LiveLaughLoveBake

Did That Really Just Happen?

     What do these two things have in common?

Cheeseburger

Memory Foam

     Alright, let me set the scene for you. Sit back, close your eyes and picture this. Wait! No, don't close them cuz then you can't read this. No!! Hey! Can you hear me?? OPEN YOUR EYES! Damnit! Whaaaaat haaaave I doooone? Ok, Ok, I kid.

     Moving on, my kiddies, mom, and myself go out to eat at our normal restaurant. We have been sitting and chatting waiting for our food. M and L aren't fighting too bad at the moment. Baby J is busy being a total cutie pie. Nice relaxing meal. Our food comes and we are ready to tear that shit UP- politely eat using only our best manners. L is pressing down on her hamburger bun.

Me:  "What the hell are you doing?"

L: "My hamburger bun is like memory foam. Look!"

Me: "Say that again? What??"

L: "My hamburger bun is like memory foam. When you press it, it comes back up." *Pokes hamburger bun, face lighting up when it pops back up."

M: "No it's not!"

Lucy: "Uh Huh!! See?" *Pokes hamburger bun down again.*

M: "Oh yeah?"

Me: *Sees what's about to happen in my head* "M, don't you dare even think about..."

M: *shoves finger completely through L's memory foam hamburger bun, quite visibly delighted with himself.* "See?"

Me: "...ugggghhh"

     Surprisingly, L did not freak out and we all had a good chuckle. *Siiiigh.* 13 year olds.

                         Did that really just happen?

Things I'm Thankful For Thursday

  Today I am thankful for my three beautiful, crazy, wickedly awesome kiddies. They help keep me rooted to the ground, focused on what is important and focused on the present.  Yet at the same time, they help keep me dreaming, reaching for the stars, help me see and appreciate the little things that are often times overlooked, help me imagine a better future... They are both my sanity and insanity and I love them deeply and wholeheartedly for the amazing individuals that they are. They  are the puzzle pieces that make up my beating heart and I am forever grateful to and for them. To my Michael, Lucy and Josie, you are the best kiddies a mom could ever be blessed with. I couldn't have dreamed of better kiddies. You make this world a better place just by being in it. I love you guys, for always.

"Cut For Bieber..." Are you fucking kidding me?!?

     Per FoxNews.com: The term #CutForBieber started trending, initially as a joke started by the prankster website 4Chan. The trend comes days after photos surfaced of the “Baby” singer allegedly smoking marijuana. (Note: I have removed the link to the photos as I will not promote this. I will not have any part in causing relapse for anyone suffering from this highly addictive behavior, myself included, by posting self mutilation pictures.)
"Let’s start a cut yourself for Bieber campaign," an anonymous user wrote on a 4Chan message board, according to Billboard. "Tweet a bunch of pics of people cutting themselves and claim we did it because Bieber was smoking weed. See if we can get some little girls to cut themselves."

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2013/01/08/justin-bieber-fans-outraged-at-gruesome-cutforbieber-prank/#ixzz2IuWQ1olU

 Are you fucking kidding me?!? Please, someone tell me this is just a sick, twisted dream...

      "See if we can get some little girls to cut themselves." This is NOT funny on ANY level, asshole! Self mutilation is no fucking joke.

     It is one hell of an addiction and like many other addictions, very hard to kick. I speak from experience, and that is probably why hearing about this has sparked such a fire in me. Some statistics have shown that up to 1 in 4 teenage girls will try self mutilation. And I was one of them. I'm not going to get into the specifics of that particular journey in this post, tho maybe another post, another time. Let me just say that I did it for many years and fought it for even longer. Still fight it to this day. It is just like any other addiction, you get urges and really have to work to keep yourself out of situations that can cause a relapse. Seeing these pictures of people "cutting" for Bieber, (which just fyi, I did NOT go searching for, I just happened to stumble across pics.) really stirred something deep inside of me. Something that had been lying dormant for at least a couple years now. Now, I was able to redirect my focus, and occupy myself until it passed and I could get the images out of my head. I wonder how many other recovering cutters had something stirred in them by these images, and of those, how many weren't able to fight it off? All because of a joke? Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't jokes supposed to be..ohhh idk... funny? What the hell is funny about this? From any angle? Please tell me, because I'd love to know!

     Some of these girls are wearing these cuts proudly, like a badge of fucking honor. "I did this for Justin! Stop doing drugs, Justin!" No, sweet misguided little twit. It is not a badge of honor. It is not something to be proud of nor will it get him to stop smoking pot. Someone who truly suffers from this issue does not show off their cuts with pride. I know I never did. I went out of my way to cover them. And if one does, there is more of a problem going on than just a self harming problem. There is usually some other kind of mental problem accompanying it. 

     It is delusional to think that cutting yourself is going to stop someone else, nevermind a young spoiled celebrity, from doing something. Worry less about these celebs that you idolize and place on a pedestal, and instead, live your own lives. Please, kids, I urge you to put the razor blades down and find a damn hobby. Talk to someone. Draw, paint, read, join a sport. Lose yourself in some deep music. Go find some freaking friends. Have a mind of your own!!

     I hope like hell that there will be some kind of repercussions to the originators of this awful trend. I can't stop going back to the above quote: "See if we can get some little girls to cut themselves." Doesn't that, in a way, qualify as cyber bullying? To some extent? I'm very interested in what others are thinking about this. Surely I can't be the only one bothered by it? What are your thoughts?

Let's Go Thunder! Blue and Gold Cupcakes

I had the task of whipping up some blue and gold cupcakes for a friends daughters Cheer Competition. I think I pulled it off pretty damn well for my first attempt at changing up the colors of the cupcake itself. :)

Wordless Wednesday

Watching The Sky

Standing outside, smoking a cigarette with the old man. I couldn't help but stare up at the sky... The clouds were just so beautiful. The woolen clouds stretched across the sky for as far as the eye could see. Almost like a million sheep were just chilling up there in the sky. Wouldn't that be a sight?

• Me: *looking up at the sky, talking to Mr* "Fuck! I love these clouds. It's like you can just reach up and touch them."

• Mr: *no response*

• Me: "As you ignore me..."

• Mr: *still no response*

• Me: "As you STIIIILL ignore me!"

• Mr: "I thought you were talking to the clouds."

• Me: "Why the FUCK would I be talking to the clouds??"

• Mr: "Well why the FUCK would you be talking to me while I'm looking at my phone?!?"

• Me: -_-

                                    Did we really just have this conversation??

 Maybe a sky full of sheep would have been better at getting his attention... Nah, probably not.

Things I Am Thankful For Thursday...

     Today I am thankful that the well of inner strength that I seem to have deep inside of me, hasn't run dry yet. I've drawn upon it since birth, when I was quite literally fighting for my life. It saw me through many years of brutal torment dished out daily by my school peers, just for being different, which was often times almost unbearable. Got me through being the black sheep of the family, through losing my Superman, and later, my grammie. As well as countless other times. Soooo fucking MANY times I wanted to just give up and end it all, but there was that strength, quietly -and sometimes not so quietly- pushing me on. I owe my life to it. May it remain running deep and plentiful for many years to come...

Introduction to Things I'm Thankful For Thursday

     There was this really awesome Facebook challenge circulating around for Thanksgiving. Each day through the month of November, people were posting something they were thankful for. I was one of them. Some days were easier than others. Some days I'd have so many things and struggled with which one to put. Other days it was a struggle just to come up with one.

     I think that challenge was a really great idea, but why only focus on thankfulness in November? There is so much that we overlook and take for granted amidst the daily grind. I'm definitely guilty of this myself. So I have decided that every Thursday, I am going to list something, or things, that I am thankful for. I may come up with 10 things one day and only 1 the next, but I'm going to strive to do this. How bout you?  What are you thankful for?

Wordless Wednesday

                          Good Morning!

The sun as I went outside to take the kiddies to school this morning

Open Mouth, Insert Foot. Cuz You're Sure Not Getting Any Of My Food.

     So I'm working on making breakfast, browning up some sausage and Mike comes into the kitchen.

• Mike: "Ooooh! I want the burned piece." *swipes piece of sausage* 

• Me: "Seriously? It's not burnt, its browned."

• Mike: *under his breath* "Well it's OVER browned."

• Me: "What did you say?? Mother fucker, get the FUCK out of my kitchen!"

• Mike: "But I..."

• Me: "OUUUUT!"

Moral of the story? Don't talk shit about my cooking. Especially when I feed you SO well.

You don't have a fat ass...

     Ohhhhh hell. I swear, some of the conversations that take place under this roof are just amazing.
 

• Me to the cat: "Move."

• Cat: *just fucking sits there like a boss*

• Me: "GAH! MOOOOVE, YOU FUCKING FAT ASS!!!"

• L: *eyes go huge and looks offended as all hell* "Whaaat?"

• Me: "Omg, not you Lucy! You don't have a fat ass!"

                   LMFAOOOO. ♥

 See? Like a boss.

(semi) Wordless Wednesday...