Motherhood is hard. It's one of those things that nothing can truly prepare you for. You think you are prepared, you have the baby, and then at some point you realize that you have no clue what the hell you're doing. I don't know about you, but more often than not- I experience motherhood at a rate of about 30 WTF's per hour. Seriously, I find myself stopping and thinking to myself "what the fuck just happened?!" way more often than I ever thought I would. But, it is one of the most rewarding jobs I have ever had. And I truly learn something new every day.
While I have learned countless things over the years, here are just ten of them..
1) Babies will poop at the most inopportune moments. And when it happens, it's usually in a brand new outfit and they are usually epic poosplosions. Before you had kids, did you know that a baby can poop all the way up their backs? Cuz I sure didn't! That's some serious talent!!
2) You know those first few smiles are usually caused by gas... and yet those smiles turn your world completely upside down and fill your heart with joy. You are head over heels lost in that smile.
3) Terrible two's really are a thing. But it doesn't always start or stop there. Terrible two's, Trying three's, Frightful Fours... And guess what? Each kid is different so that plan you have written up? Invite some mommy friends over, toss it in the firepit for some extra warmth while you're all chugging wine straight out the bottle trading stories that start with "you will not believe what my kid did with her poop today." But I promise you, with some discipline and lots of love- you will get through these stages.
4) When your little one comes to you and wants to snuggle? Snuggle!! You snuggle them with all of your damn heart. Smooth their hair, kiss the top of their head, and inhale their scent. Embrace that moment fully cuz before you know it, they won't be willing participants anymore.
5) After your kiddo has puked all over you and you've picked them up in a football hold and ran them to the toilet, staying with them and rubbing their back to comfort them takes precedence over getting yourself cleaned up. Just hold your breath. It'll be over soon and you'll be able to clean yourself up.
6) Tell them that you love them. Don't just assume that they know. They need to hear it and they need to hear it often. Let them know that you love them, that you always have, and that you always will. No matter what they say, no matter what they do (or don't do.) And don't just tell them- show them! Make sure they feel it!
7) You WILL occasionally lose your cool. And sometimes you might completely lose. your. shit. It happens. Sometimes mamas need a time out, too. Step away, breathe, and remember how much you love them. And when you've chilled the hell out, tell them that you messed up and that you're sorry. They need to know that you're not perfect. That you make mistakes, too. And that it's ok to lose your cool and make mistakes but that you have to own up to it and make it right.
8) Stop basing your worth as a mom on what other moms do or don't do. You are going to meet moms that you swear are supermoms. They seem to have everything together, their houses are immaculate, they run a million activities with their kids, they just do everything and they do it perfectly. But I promise you that supermom does not actually have it all together. She has her moments, too. She doubts herself, too. And guess what? She fucks up sometimes, too. You just don't get to see it. So cut yourself some slack, stop comparing yourself, and be the mommy that you are. There is NO mommy better equipped for your child than YOU.
9) Remember that awful breakup when you were younger? The one that broke your heart and you cried for days? Let me tell you, that will feel like a walk in the park after the first time your child breaks your heart. Kids, especially teenagers, can shatter your heart to absolute pieces with just a few words. Just remember that they don't really mean it. They do love you. Think back to how tough it was when you were a teen. You've got hormones surging through your body, your emotions are all over the damn place, and your parents seem like they're always on your back. Well, guess what? Now you're the parent. Just keep breathing. It will pass. And when it does, maybe call your mom and tell her you're sorry for being such a shit when you were younger.
10) It's scarily easy to lose yourself in the day to day grind. Putting everyone else first, taking care of everyone else's needs, being everything for everyone, all the damn time. It's so important to remember who you are, aside from mama. Taking time for yourself every now and then IS NOT SELFISH! It's a necessity. A night out with some friends, a nice long hot bath, go out for a walk without the kids, go on a coffee date with a friend, go see a non animated movie!! If you've already lost yourself- there's still time to find yourself again. Find a hobby to throw yourself into! I do roller derby to get out my stress and aggression. Anything left after that gets painted away. Lol And when I'm done, I'm totally refreshed and feel like I can take on the world again.
4) When your little one comes to you and wants to snuggle? Snuggle!! You snuggle them with all of your damn heart. Smooth their hair, kiss the top of their head, and inhale their scent. Embrace that moment fully cuz before you know it, they won't be willing participants anymore.
5) After your kiddo has puked all over you and you've picked them up in a football hold and ran them to the toilet, staying with them and rubbing their back to comfort them takes precedence over getting yourself cleaned up. Just hold your breath. It'll be over soon and you'll be able to clean yourself up.
6) Tell them that you love them. Don't just assume that they know. They need to hear it and they need to hear it often. Let them know that you love them, that you always have, and that you always will. No matter what they say, no matter what they do (or don't do.) And don't just tell them- show them! Make sure they feel it!
7) You WILL occasionally lose your cool. And sometimes you might completely lose. your. shit. It happens. Sometimes mamas need a time out, too. Step away, breathe, and remember how much you love them. And when you've chilled the hell out, tell them that you messed up and that you're sorry. They need to know that you're not perfect. That you make mistakes, too. And that it's ok to lose your cool and make mistakes but that you have to own up to it and make it right.
8) Stop basing your worth as a mom on what other moms do or don't do. You are going to meet moms that you swear are supermoms. They seem to have everything together, their houses are immaculate, they run a million activities with their kids, they just do everything and they do it perfectly. But I promise you that supermom does not actually have it all together. She has her moments, too. She doubts herself, too. And guess what? She fucks up sometimes, too. You just don't get to see it. So cut yourself some slack, stop comparing yourself, and be the mommy that you are. There is NO mommy better equipped for your child than YOU.
9) Remember that awful breakup when you were younger? The one that broke your heart and you cried for days? Let me tell you, that will feel like a walk in the park after the first time your child breaks your heart. Kids, especially teenagers, can shatter your heart to absolute pieces with just a few words. Just remember that they don't really mean it. They do love you. Think back to how tough it was when you were a teen. You've got hormones surging through your body, your emotions are all over the damn place, and your parents seem like they're always on your back. Well, guess what? Now you're the parent. Just keep breathing. It will pass. And when it does, maybe call your mom and tell her you're sorry for being such a shit when you were younger.
10) It's scarily easy to lose yourself in the day to day grind. Putting everyone else first, taking care of everyone else's needs, being everything for everyone, all the damn time. It's so important to remember who you are, aside from mama. Taking time for yourself every now and then IS NOT SELFISH! It's a necessity. A night out with some friends, a nice long hot bath, go out for a walk without the kids, go on a coffee date with a friend, go see a non animated movie!! If you've already lost yourself- there's still time to find yourself again. Find a hobby to throw yourself into! I do roller derby to get out my stress and aggression. Anything left after that gets painted away. Lol And when I'm done, I'm totally refreshed and feel like I can take on the world again.
And for good measure- one more that my youngest has taught me:
#11) For the love of all things holy, hide your nail polish. All of it. Don't just put it up high where they can't reach it. Cuz I promise you, they will find a way to reach it. And open it. And paint themselves from head to toe. And then they'll blame it on the sparkle dog that shits sparkle poop.
Remember friends, we all parent differently. Your way is no more right than any other mommy just like their way is no better than yours. So don't judge one another. Instead, support one another. Cuz mommy hood? It's no joke!
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