I'm gonna get real for a minute here. I mean, REALLY real. But it's so heavy on my heart right now, and when it's THIS heavy on my heart, I know it needs to be shared, cuz someone out there may be going through similar and maybe they need to read it. I promise you, this isn't me complaining. Tho if you don't read till the end, it may seem that way. And by the way, I'm totally gonna talk about God. AND this is gonna be LONG. So if either of those things aren't your thing- just scroll through and find a different post to read. I love you anyways.
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Sometimes, life can seem like it just plain SUCKS. It DOESN'T suck tho, it just FEELS like it does. These last few months have been that way for me. In a MAJOR way. Where to even start?
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Money?? For months now, despite budgeting like crazy, we've struggled to take care of what we NEED to take care of money wise. It's SO hard to be able to budget each week, when we have absolutely NOOOO idea what the paycheck will be from week to week. We never know what bills we can pay till the paycheck hits. Then we readjust as best as we can to work with what we have. Lately, it's been a lot of too little paycheck to cover too many bills. Many weeks it's a struggle just to put food on the table, let alone "healthier" food. Cell phones got shut off and will probably be off for the next week, at LEAST. The soles of my husband's and daughter's shoes have been separated from the bottoms of the shoes for MONTHSSSSS now with no way in near sight to replace them. Behind on several other bills cuz I was waiting and waaaaaiting on a check that turns out, wasn't actually coming because the school took the money and used it for Michael's school fees that he forgot to pay. Today I noticed 2 new chips in my windshield, one of which is starting to spider out. I've even cancelled the very few "extras" I was getting to save money, with no difference shown from doing so.
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Emotional Health? I have felt more alone this past year than I EVER imagined possible. I don't talk to anyone. Aside from a couple of people, no one reaches out to me anymore and many times when I reach out, it goes unanswered. I know that sometimes goes with being in sales- they assume if you're reaching out that you are looking for a "sale". That's NOT me. I'm not reaching out for a sale- I'm reaching out for HUMAN INTERACTION. I don't hang out with anyone. I don't get invited to get togethers. MANY friendships have faded away. (Different paths in life. I get it. We all gotta do what we gotta do.)
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Life in general? Aside from grocery shopping once a week and school drop off/pick up, I don't leave the house. AT ALL. I have no hobbies. No outlet. I clean all day, (almost) every day, and by the end of the night, the house is trashed again and I've gotta do it all over again.
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I'm tired. BONE TIRED. SOUL TIRED. I get tired of hoping for an end to the storm that's been consistently beating down upon my household for what feels like forever. I'm tired of being strong and pushing forward with a smile on my face. Sometimes, I even feel tired of praying when nothing seems to be changing.
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Do you see all the hearts throughout this post? They seem pretty out of place, given what I'm saying, don't they?
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These hearts signify LOVE. Because NO MATTER WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH- No matter how alone or forgotten I feel- No matter how weary I get-
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I AM SOOOOOOO LOVED AND BLESSED by God!!!!!!
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We may not have a bunch of money. Sometimes, we may not even have some of the money we NEED, but we DO have more money than others out there. And HE knows what I NEED more than I do!
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Those shoes? They're a lesson. We're learning to stretch and make the most of what we have. SUCH an important lesson. AND it shows me every day, what a dedicated hard working hubster I have. Cuz he wears them every day, rain or shine and rarely complains about them. And my daughter hasn't complained about them, not even once. And she's a teen, y'all. That's HUGE.
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We don't have the nicest house, and barely enough room for everyone, but we HAVE a house. We HAVE a roof over our heads and walls to shelter us from the elements. MANY DON'T.
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I may not see or talk to my friends often anymore, but I know that if I really needed them, most would have my back.
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It may FEEL hopeless sometimes, but there's ALWAYS hope. I promise you, it's always there!
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We tend to pray when times are hard. Obviously. And we thank God when things are great. But one thing I've learned is that it's SO important to thank God WHILE you're struggling! Like: "God- I'm struggling cuz there's not enough money to pay xyz- but THANK YOU for blessing us with EVERY penny that you DID!! God, I'm SO tired of cleaning up all these messes every single day, but THANK YOU for giving me these beautiful children that make the messes AND the ability to be able to clean them! You are truly a GOOD GOD! Thank you for all that you have done in my life, and ALL that you are GOING to do."
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No matter how tired I am, God NEVER gets tired of hearing from me. He NEVER gets tired of loving me. And I DO believe that He gave me these storms for a reason. And He gives me the strength I need to battle my way through it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. without fail. Even when I'm at my weakest- BOOM! That strength kicks in. I truly believe that He is sending me through these storms so that I can learn to STOP relying on myself for everything. Because HE is the one I should be relying on. In ALL things.
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No matter what I'm going through or you're going through, no matter what life throws at us- God's GOT me. And He's got YOU. EVERY single step of the way. We are SO unbelievably loved. So count your blessings, keep your head up, and just keep marching forward. Even when you feel like you can't. It'll get better. Through the storms, we learn to truly appreciate all the good!
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And I promise you, He has SO MUCH good in store for you and me. AMAZING things. Things that are so much better than we could even imagine. We just gotta cling to Him and keep the faith through the storms.
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Love and Light, my beautiful friends.
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