Saturday, September 6, 2014

Negative "Encouragement"

Leave it at home. Or better yet, don't use it at all!
Sitting at my daughter's soccer game this afternoon, above the noise of the game, my ears were bombarded by yelling. Not by kids, but by their parents.
"YEEEAH!! That's it!! Way to GO!"
"GREAT JOB! There ya go!"
"Ohhhh, that's ok! Good try!"
I'll be honest, I'm not much of a yeller at my kiddies' games. I support them with my presence there. I'll clap of course, and when they look my way, I'll give a thumbs up and a smile. But the above are things I love to hear coming from other parents. It's positive encouragement and it is a wonderful thing.
But more and more, what I've been hearing, (especially today) are things like this:
"Stay on your side!!!" (To his own son) "Hey Ref! Maybe you should show him the line so he doesn't screw it up again!"
"Are you BLIND? You could've had that! " (another guy to his own son)
"Oh come on! If you would've kicked it HARDER you would've made a goal. Ugggghhh!! Get your head in the game!" (A woman to her own daughter)
"Stop being a baby and GET AGGRESSIVE!!!" (A woman to her own daughter. This is same mom that was screaming at her young son that he was playing with his friend too aggressive just moments ago. And then she smacked him in front of everyone. He was just being a little boy. But that's a whole nother story)
How does this help our children? What does this teach them?? As far as I'm concerned,
if it's negative encouragement, it's not encouragement at all. It's BULLYING and it breaks my heart.
I get that a lot of us have competitive sides, but this is not your game. It's a kids' game. And while of course we want our kids to do well and win, that's not always going to happen. They are going to miss a shot. They are going to slip. And they are eventually going to lose. Our kiddies need to learn to lose gracefully as well as win gracefully. And ya know what? This kind of behavior doesn't teach them how to do either one. And correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it one of our main jobs as parents to teach them the right way? To do their best and hold their heads high win or lose? To help them grow into well rounded, responsible, encouraging, and loving adults?
My kiddies will never hear me tear apart their performance. If I see something they need to work on, of course I will point it out- in a loving way- and brainstorm on how we can work on it. But you will never see me degrade them for not being or doing "good enough". Cuz as long as they gave their all and played with their hearts, that's more than good enough. Win or lose, that's what really counts.
Please, if you want to encourage your kids, choose your words wisely. Speak from your heart, not from your competitive side. Don't bully them for the sake of winning. Ecouragement is meant to be positive. So keep the negative to yourself.
Love and light! ♡
1:07 PM / by / 0 Comments

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